Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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