the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Text me some of your sweat
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
