you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
