Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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