Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
