when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
