the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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