i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
