She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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