We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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