oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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