your thong is hanging out like whoa
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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