wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
