Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
