hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
