so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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