I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
