Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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