So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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