Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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