The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
