Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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