Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
