when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
