Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
