Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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