youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
