i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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