It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
