the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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