would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
