I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
