If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
