You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
