Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The air was thick with penises
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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