Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
