My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love having hate sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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