Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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