omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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