toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
