dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
