I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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