his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
