He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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