Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize