11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Alive.
So much puke
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
