So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
