I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
