I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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