Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize