Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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