I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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