so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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