My Higher Power is John Stamos
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
