..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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