so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
