I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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