Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
