So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
