Don't make out with my wife yet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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