Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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