Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
