Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
