Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
