I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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