Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
