i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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