i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
