i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
