yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
