i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
