the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
